True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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