Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
