If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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