im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
