Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
