they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
