I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
