A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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