so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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