I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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