rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
smell my finger.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We have so much sex to catch up on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
