how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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