he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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