saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
