life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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