my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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