so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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