Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
