How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So vagazzling was a success
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
