If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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