I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
