So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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