I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
