genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mom said you looked used
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
