i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
