my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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