How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
