the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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