omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
