If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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