someone get that fucking seahorse.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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