So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
