Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
