The maid of honor just puked.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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