Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
