There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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