I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
