I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
