Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
