and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
