When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
