is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
