my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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