Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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