8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
