walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
