Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
