YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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