So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
