So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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