well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
