Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
